Hello, my lovelies.

I've missed you all so much.

Life has been kicking my ass, and honestly, I just couldn't get it together. I've been so depressed, exhausted, and anxious that I let it consume me. The past few months have been some of the darkest I've experienced in a long time.

But I'm here. And if you're reading this while struggling, let me be living proof that you can make it through, even when you've hit rock bottom.

For starters, I decided to go back to school. As someone who works full-time and had a week-long on-call rotation every month, this was already going to be a challenge. In theory, it sounded like a great idea. In reality, I couldn't keep up. I became overwhelmed and ended up failing my classes.

Around the same time, my husband and daughter both lost their jobs. Watching the people I love struggle while trying to keep everything together myself was incredibly stressful. That's when I really started to spiral. I felt trapped, overwhelmed, and completely stuck.

As many of you know, I've also been applying for jobs, trying to improve my financial situation and create a better future for my family. On top of that, there's the reality of homeownership. Paying a mortgage, keeping up with household bills, cleaning, cooking, and managing all the invisible responsibilities that come with being an adult can be a lot on its own.

Eventually, it all became too much.

I stopped taking care of myself. I wasn't bathing regularly. I would wake up, work, and then go right back to sleep. I slept for hours and hours. I binge ate to cope. I became consumed by the constant stream of world events while also trying to navigate life as a Black pansexual woman in a world that often feels overwhelming.

I wasn't living.

I was surviving.

One day, my husband and mother-in-law sat me down and had a difficult conversation with me. They told me I needed to go back to my psychiatrist, be honest about what I was experiencing, and ask for help.

And that's exactly what I did.

I sat down with my psychiatrist and told her the truth about everything. The depression. The anxiety. The exhaustion. The overwhelm. Just how deeply I was struggling. We talked through it all, and we're now adjusting my medications.

For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful.

Not magically cured.

Not suddenly motivated.

Not completely healed.

Just hopeful.

And right now, that's enough.

Slowly but surely, I'm starting to put the pieces back together.

My husband and daughter have both started new work contracts, which has taken a huge weight off our shoulders. We're catching up on bills and getting back on our feet financially. I'm also working on finding the extra money I need to return to school and finish what I started.

And I have some great news. My job removed me from the monthly on-call rotation. That change alone has made such a difference in my stress levels, and I am incredibly grateful for it.

Life isn't perfect. I'm still healing. I'm still learning how to take care of myself again. But for the first time in a while, I feel like I'm moving forward instead of just trying to stay afloat.

If you're struggling too, please know that asking for help is not weakness. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is admit that we're not okay. Sometimes healing starts with a single conversation, a doctor's appointment, or simply being honest with the people who love us.

This is me choosing myself again.

One day at a time.

With love,
Carmen